Meimei Fuka’s To Do list
1. Get a really hot boyfriend
2. Get friends – Keita does not count, ‘cause he’s my brother
3. Get a better job – preferably something that doesn’t involve food (skin must be kept ungreasy at all times)
4. Find someone/someones (is that even a word?) to rent apartment with. Living with your brother is so not cool
5. Get smell of smoke out of all clothes
6. Quit smoking – so 2 years ago
7. Be nice
8. Like, seriously. Be nice.
Gawd… back at school my teacher always said I was an optimist..

................................................................................................................................................


To: Sira Altair <siraaltair@hotmail.com>
Fr: Kristy Maxwell <kristy@alexhair.com>
Re: job application

Miss Altair,
I am writing to tell you your application to work here at Alex Hair, sent on the 24/09, has been reviewed. On behalf of Mr Anderson and the rest of the crew here at Alex Hair, we’d like to welcome you aboard. No interview will be necessary.

This job requires an immediate start, and Mr Anderson would appreciate it if you could be here at 6am Monday morning.

Look forward to seeing you.

-Kristy

................................................................................................................................................


I’m not here, or rather, I am here
but am currently … occupied. No,
those aren’t screams. It’s the TV,
idiots. Mwahaha.

(tone)

Arcos. It’s me, Rayden. You’ve
been lying low for awhile I’ve
noticed. You must be scheming.
You better not do anything stupid.
Call me, okay? Before you terrorise
anymore hair-dressers.
It’s freaky. It’s like some kind of weird
fetish or something. And Anderson …
he’s on to you. Did you notice? Or
have you been too busy plotting?
Urgh. Whatever. Call me.

(click)

I’m not here, or rather, I am here
but am currently … occupied. No,
those aren’t screams. It’s the TV,
idiots. Mwahaha.

(tone)

Listen here, Aruzuma. It’s Alex. You
Touch one more of my hairdressers and
you’re dead, got that? They’ve never
done anything to you! They need to
though, your hair makes you look
like some reject kid that discovered
the 80’s a decade too late. Anyway,
you should have realised that harassing
my people won’t give you this amazing
reputation or anything. People just think
you’re this whacked – What are you doing?
Give me back the –

(click)

I’m not here, or rather, I am here
but am currently … occupied. No,
those aren’t screams. It’s the TV,
idiots. Mwahaha.

(tone)

Arcos, I dumped you. Get over
it. Stop trying to get revenge.
Stalking my friends and coworkers
won’t make me take you back.
And just because we haven’t SEEN
you stalking us, doesn’t mean you’re
not. Don’t try that crap on me. Neko
senses, remember? And about the
breakup, don’t tell me you didn’t
see it coming!! You never paid me any
attention unless I was going to – Yeah.
You know. And plus, now I’ve found this
really cute, loyal, trustworthy guy. So,
SO much better than you ever were.
Now I think about it, you were creepy.
Get lost. Oh, and stop emailing me. And
stop calling me all those nicknames. It’s
Kristy now, get used to it.

              (click)

................................................................................................................................................


iloveme: Big brooother…
hotshotdoctor: Mei, How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t IM me during office hours. What if I was trying to save someone’s life right now and then you distracted me and they died?
iloveme: Well, Keita, I’d hope you wouldn’t be on your computer while you were trying to save someone’s life. Unless it was like, a computer person. And like, game people should die anyway.
hotshotdoctor: …What do you want?
iloveme: Just wanted to see if you had any replies come in for me yet. You know, for like, jobs. And when will you, like, get home? It’s 5am and you didn’t come back last night. Your girlfriend has been, like, calling and calling and calling. Gawd, by the way she’s acting, you’d think she was like, pregnant or something.
hotshotdoctor: … pregnant?
iloveme: Oh don’t act so surprised. I’ve heard you two going at it like rabbits at all hours of the night! Like, talk about mentally scarring. And see?? I like, NEED a job then I wont have to like, witness that. Why don’t you ever stay at HER place, by the way? I hear it’s a lot bigger.
hotshotdoctor: Wouldn’t know. She never lets me see it … I think she thinks since I’m a doctor I’d be unimpressed.
iloveme: Oh. Well she’s probably not anyway. Like, pregnant, I mean. So don’t go grey over it. Moving on, you never did answer me about the job thing. Gotten any replies???
hotshotdoctor: I’d have to look. And I can’t right now because a patient is about to come in. Apparently has a severe case of the flu.
iloveme: Whatever. Look before you come home, ok? It’s uber important
hotshotdoctor: Yeah I know. Why don’t you get them sent to home though? That’d be a lot more convenient.
iloveme: But getting them sent to a doctors office is just like, so much more sophisticated. It’s like, oh she knows a doctor! She must be smart let’s employ her! Ohmygod I feel so smart for thinking of that. They’ll be SO impressed! EE!
hotshotdoctor: Meimei, you’ve met my friends. They know me, and they’re not exactly what I would call smart, least of all impressive. Most of them work at Subway. SUBWAY.
iloveme: That would explain their skin … The employers don’t know them though. So it’s all good. Mmm. Subway. Don’t mention that word in front of me! Do you WANT me to get FAT?! Ooh fat.. fat fat fat… AAAHH!
hotshotdoctor: Do I even want to know what’s wrong with their skin? (and isn’t subway fat free?)
iloveme: It’s just greasy. Like, when you get really close to their face it’s like looking at a dirty big piece of … grease. Kind of like pizza hut pizza, when they just went overboard with the oil and the pizza is shiny. I know this NOT because I’ve been EATING it, (like, as if) but because I’ve seen you eating it on many occasions. And that’s what the subway people WANT you to think. I’m not fooled. Fat fat fat.
hotshotdoctor: When have you ever been up that close to my friend’s faces? And why? I don’t want you hanging around my friends, they’re bad influences. Bad, you hear me, Mei? If I find out you’ve been fraternising with my friends I’ll have to monitor your activity again. Remember last time?
iloveme: I remember. How could I forget? You took a break off work to follow me around like a hawk all day. Every time I even TALKED to a member of the opposite sex the poor things would get walloped by you.. but I’m older now, Keita. I’M 20 YEARS OLD!  You follow me around and I can get, like, a restraining order against you. And what I did or didn’t do doesn’t matter!! I was just, like, making a point. Anyway, Keita, I’d better go drop in some more resumes and stuff. OHMYGOD did you see that new lingerie shop on the corner of Elizabeth and Edward street?!? That bra in the window is SO CUTE I COULD EAT IT! And that mannequin.. do they set out to make us all seem FAT?!?! Stupid doll is as thin as a twig!
hotshotdoctor: I may have passed it on my way… why? I don’t want you working somewhere like that. You’re not a prostitute.
iloveme: Providing rich, unboyfriendless women with pretty lingerie is not prostitution!
hotshotdoctor: You’d definitely be on your way to it, though. Why don’t you try hairdresser down the street from where we live? It looks like a nice enough place, everyone in there is appropriately dressed, and I’m not worried about you turning lesbian. Ha, you… lesbian. That’ll be the day.
iloveme: Itty bitty witty problem – I’ve never cut hair in my entire life.
hotshotdoctor: Obviously. I meant as their receptionist.
iloveme: oh I see I see. RECEPTIONIST?? Like, what kind or boring ass person do you think I am??
iloveme: logged off.

................................................................................................................................................


Alex Hair Employee Incident Report

Name/Title of Reporter:
Vincent Kojii, Security Officer

Date/Time of Incident:
Monday, 6am

Place of Incident:
Outside Alex Hair

Persons Involved in Incident:
Sira Altair, Hair Dresser (newly appointed) at Alex Hair, 21
Meimei Fuka, no affiliation with Alex Hair, 20
Trista Kansaki, Hair Dresser at Alex Hair, 20

Nature of Incident:
M.Fuka came to apply for job
M.Fuka flicked cigarette ash onto S.Altair
S.Altair gave M.Fuka a Dirty Look
M.Fuka said What do you think you’re look at, freak?
S.Altair punched M.Fuka
T.Kansaki called Security
Security separated M.Fuka from S.Altair
M.Fuka fainted

Follow-up:
V.Kojii handed this report to A. Anderson
M.Fuka recovered few minutes later

................................................................................................................................................

To: Alexander Anderson <alex@alexhair.com>
Fr: Kristy Maxwell <kristy@alexhair.com>
Re: freaky new girl

Now I see why they say to always do interviews. Who did that girl think she was? Just walking in and decking some random!
Ok, the random was slightly unintelligent and bitchy, but that gives her no excuse. It was lucky that Trista had been flirting with that arrogant security guard again, and seen it. Then called his attention to it. Because who knows if Miss Altair would have stopped there?
She has issues, Alex. You should fire her.
No one wants their hair cut done by a psycho. And I’m good at picking psychos – I went out with one for 3 years.

-Kristy

................................................................................................................................................

To: Trista Kansaki <trista@alexhair.com>
Fr: Alexander Anderson <alex@alexhair.com>
Re: Vincent Kojii

Vincent Kojii is a stupid, ugly, arrogant twit. His hair is horrible. Pus yellow. And he thinks he’s so special just because he wears that uniform. Bah. He’s a bastard – and it would be so typical for yet another girl (you) to get sucked in by him and his phoney charms.
While I understand that your “talking” with him was slightly beneficial to the situation this morning, refrain from associating with him ever again, unless it is an emergency.
By emergency I mean that Arcos has to be standing outside the salon, metal whip in hand, and threatening to kill us all. Nothing else I really care about.

- Alex

................................................................................................................................................


To: Alexander Anderson <alex@alexhair.com>
Fr: Trista Kansaki <trista@alexhair.com>
Re: how sad

You’re just jealous ‘cause I got to him first.

-Tris’

................................................................................................................................................


To: Trista Kansaki <trista@alexhair.com>
Fr: Alexander Anderson <alex@alexhair.com>
Re: my sexuality

For the last time – I am NOT gay. Got that? NOT GAY. I just have a talent for styling hair. I am the BEST at styling hair. I bet that idiot Kojii would be totally inferior to me in that field. Stupid boy probably doesn’t even know how to hold scissors properly!
He’d probably slice open his hands and cut off the tips of his fingers and run away screaming in pain and saying, “Alex, you were right! I AM a total loser!” and me, being the graceful winner I am, would say, “Well, it probably has something to do with that fact you’re blonde. I hear they lack intelligence. Don’t feel too bad about it.”

Yeah.

-Alex

P.S. I am not gay.

................................................................................................................................................


To: Vincent Kojii <Vincent@masterguards.com>
Fr: Tao Gemstone <Tao@masterguards.com>
Re: Your big save

Hey vin-kun, nice work today. How about you come back to my place for your reward?

You hentai!! I’m kidding! Get that smarmy grin off your face or I’ll use my fists and pepper spray to get it off for you!! Would you like that?!?

-Tao

................................................................................................................................................


Journal of Meimei Fuka

Wow, I haven’t written in this thing for AGES! Probably because nothing interesting has really happened to me in the last few months. Except for like, quitting my job and moving in with Keita. Like, what is UP with his girlfriend anyway? She calls every like, 5 minutes. Its driving me MAD her voice is like, so weird.
And she’s ugly. MAN is she ugly. She has like this limp black hair that looks as though she tried to (unsuccessfully) curl it. And her skin is so pale it is like, see through. SEE THROUGH! IF SHE’S PREGNANT IMAGINE WHAT THEIR KID WOULD LOOK LIKE!! Poor Keita. I’ve been trying to get him to break up with her for ages now. He says that he loves her, though. Pfft! And they say doctors are SMART!
…
There the phone goes again. I’m going to ignore it – it’s probably just HER again, anyway.
Where was I... oh yeah. Moving out and quitting my job. Well, my job was totally, like, bad. Who knew that a nail manicurist actually had to TOUCH other peoples hands!! That was gross. One day some chick just came in, waved her flaky dry-skinned hands at me and I just like, SNAPPED. I mean, it’s called moisturiser people, USE IT.
The phone is still ringing. What if it’s important?? WHAT IF IT’S SOME TOTALLY CUTE RANDOM WHO SAW ME ON THE STREET AND DECIDED TO TRACK ME DOWN!?!??!? Eee!! Going to answer now.


Well, it WAS a guy. Not exactly a random though. That guy from the hair salon, where I applied for that job. And, like, as a receptionist, I won’t even have to TOUCH the peoples hair with its dandruff and split ends, so I decided it was worth a shot. And like, it’ll totally be boring, but who cares? All I want is enough money to move out.
Plus the people there don’t look too bad. Except for that black haired girl. WHAT IS IT WITH BLACK HAIRED PEOPLE?!?! All I DID was ACCIDENTLY drop a bit of ash on her shoe! Then she has to get all weird about it and try to obscure my face!! MY FACE!! Gawd. If she had broken something I would have sued her until she was like, in one of those chairs that kill you.
Anyhoo, the guy on the phone, I think he said his name was Alex, said I got the job. And he apologised about little-miss-weirdo as well. Which was sweet!! There was something about his voice though, like a strange twang. Maybe he is gay? He IS a hairdresser, after all. And aren’t ALL male hairdressers gay??

OH MY GOD.

What about that security guard guy?? What if HE is gay!? I would die. Totally. He was so so sexy with those fathomless green eyes that seemed to see STRAIGHT INTO MY SOUL. And he was all, “are you ok, miss?” as if he REALLY CARED! And I swear, there was a connection. When I pretended to faint, he caught me and it just felt so.. RIGHT! Being in his arms, I mean. He was so nice and warm and smelt of very expensive aftershave. It made me feel very safe.

And I felt even better when one of them (the hairdressers) went, “What do you think you’re doing?!”
And he said, “Catching this beautiful young woman” (!!!!!!!!!!!)

Or, you know, something along those lines. Whatever. Hee hee hee.

So, basically, this job looks as though it’ll turn out being kinda fun. And if I play my cards right, maybe he’ll let me move in with him!! Mmmm… imagine waking up every morning in those nice, muscly arms…
Maybe I’ll see him tonight?? Keita and I are going to this smart peoples’ banquet or something. Who cares. But smart people can be pretty aggressive, right? They’ll totally need some big strong blonde security guard there!! YAY! I’d better go get ready.

................................................................................................................................................

WELCOME TO THE 33RD ANNUAL DOCTORS AWARDS

There are no hot blonde security guards here. This is boring. Keita went off as soon as we got here to talk to some old guy with no hair but one dirty big moustache. Why didn’t Keita

These awards, as ever, are brought to you by Altair Incorporations. We must extend a warm thank you to Mr Altair this evening, for all his much-appreciated work towards making this awards night possible.

bring his girlfriend to this thing? I’m sure she would’ve fit in around these misfits. I know I wouldn’t rather being at home by myself though, even though One Tree Hill is showing tonight. I’m taping it. Like, obviously. Chad

The presentations will begin at 9pm, après the nibblies and mingling. We like to encourage all the doctors of East End to keep close communication networks, as it’s always wise to have friends in high places. Together we stand, divided we fall.

Michael Murray?? More sexy blonde-ness. And like, if I was still at home with Mom I would be bored too. Sitting around watching her knit me more scarves and jumpers I would never be caught dead wearing isn’t exactly fun. Come to think of it, it kind of sucks having no friends. I never understood why no one liked me at school. Like, sure, I rathered guys company. And maybe they were jealous of

The nominations for Most Popular Doctor are:
Keita Fuka
Chiaki Shinjite
Mai Ato
And Kai Yukinawa

me? Or maybe they thought I was a slut or something. I’m not a slut. You have to sleep with someone to be a slut, right? Well, like, as if I’d want to sleep with any of those guys I hung around. They were too young for me. They had greasy skin. OH GREASY SKIN IS THERE SO ESCAPE?!! I need to find a mirror what if my foundation has worn off. I know I’ve only been here a little while, but I had to get that cheap stuff. Having no job sucks. But HEY I have a job now! YAY I just hope

The nominations for Most Talented Doctor are:
Mitch Smith
Adrien Macumba
Kai Yukinawa
And Yu Kenishiro

That I don’t see black-haired girl much. I didn’t quite catch her name… Hee. It’s probably some dumb name anyway. And she’ll probably respond to “freak”. Hee hee hee hee hee. I hope my hair looks ok. I mean, most of these people are old, but there might be some cute young-ish doctor here? And WHAT IF I RUIN MY CHANCES OF MARRYING A DOCTOR?? That would be so, so sad! I’d have to move onto something like a lawyer or lotto-winner or movie producer or male supermodel or something!! That could seriously

The nominations for Best Looking Doctor are:
Keita Fuka
Mai Ato
Monique Nyaa
And Mr Altair

hinder my chances of getting into an up-market country club when I’m older. And my children? MY POOR CHILDREN!! And what in GODS NAME is my brother doing in the ‘best looking doctor’ nomination thingy?? Are these people BLIND?! And what kind of last name is Nyaa??? What kind of awards are these ANYWAY?! Ok. I’m still bored. I’m going to go home. Just one more vodka shot … OH DEAR LORD

The nominations for Doctor Most Likely to End Up Married to a Prostitute are:
Chantelle Cabot
Laverne Lincoln
Keita Fuka
And Maurice Mirabella

It’s HER!! What is SHE doing here?? HER!! MISS-LET’S-MASH-UP-MEIMEIS-FACE!!! And.. and… NO IT CAN’T BE TRUE!! MY EYES MUST BE FAULTY!! I MUST BE SEEING THINGS!! IF NOT, KILL ME NOW!! LIKE, TOTALLY!! LIKE, KILL ME!! SHE CAN’T BE HERE WITH HIM!! Not HIM. I have two options. Go and cry in ladies room, or go confront them. How could he even CONSIDER looking at ANY OTHER GIRL after this morning?? Didn’t he feel the connection?? Didn’t he see, as he glanced into my eyes, the way we were meant to be together forever? And ever and ever and

................................................................................................................................................


To: Sira Altair <siraaltair@hotmail.com>
Fr: Meimei Fuka <prettyprincess@hotmail.com>
Re: you boyfriend stealer!

How DARE you, you little bitch. How DARE you hit me!! I, like, should have been the one to hit you for stealing MY GUY. You are SO LUCKY nothing on my face even got damaged, because if it had you would be, like, so dead. Like as dead as an ant I could squish.
What were you doing there last night, ANYWAY? I didn’t think they let social retards into events like that.

Stay away from Vincent, Altair. I mean it.

-Meimei

................................................................................................................................................


To: Meimei Fuka <prettyprincess@hotmail.com>
Fr: Sira Altair <siraaltair@hotmail.com>
Re: are you mentally retarded

3 things:
1. Vincent Kojii is not “your guy”. You met him yesterday, when he stopped me from turning your face into a mess of blood, foundation and mascara.
2. You’re lucky hitting you is all I did.
3. You’re an idiot. I was there because my father happens to be the organiser of that event, as it clearly said in the programmes. Or can’t you read?

Don’t talk to me again.

-Sira

................................................................................................................................................


To: Sira Altair <siraaltair@hotmail.com>
Fr: Meimei Fuka <prettyprincess@hotmail.com>
Re: he so is

Just because we’ve only known each other a day, doesn’t mean we haven’t realised we’re soul mates. Like, it was SO obvious he felt the same way about me when he said, “Sira and I are only friends.” And then gave you A Look. You know, one of those looks where it says, “Like, as if I would want to be seen with this freak.”
You know the one I mean. You must get it a lot.
Anyways, don’t try to come between true love again. It’ll only, like, make him realise how desperate you are. And puh-leeeze, you don’t think you scare me do you?
Im, like, SO much PRETTIER than you’ll ever be, and no amount of punches can change that.

Like, sorry, freak. Go try to steal someone else’s man.

-Meimei

...............................................................................................................................................


To: Meimei Fuka <prettyprincess@hotmail.com>
Fr: Sira Altair <siraaltair@hotmail.com>
Re: you’re wrong about one thing

And that is, yes, more punches can change that. It will slowly mutilate your face until it looks like those piles of shit my mini-dragon used to leave me, before it was house trained.

And what makes you think I WANT Vincent anyway? He’s a friend. That’s all. I don’t want to fuck him.

Unlike you, whose main goal in life must be to marry some doctor, lawyer or male supermodel, have exactly one child, and then spend the rest of your days associating with racist, and sexist members of an up-market country club.

Go to hell.

-Sira

...............................................................................................................................................


To: Sira Altair <siraaltair@hotmail.com>
Fr: Meimei Fuka <prettyprincess@hotmail.com>
Re: ohmygod

Are you some kind of stalker? HOW DID YOU LIKE KNOW THOSE THINGS ABOUT ME?! I can, like, sue you for that, you know. And about Vincent – GOOD. You don’t DESERVE him ANYWAY.

Remember The Look? It was genuine. I would know, as Vincent and I share a connection.

-Meimei

...............................................................................................................................................


To: Meimei Fuka <prettyprincess@hotmail.com>
Fr: Sira Altair <siraaltair@hotmail.com>
Re: you

You are deluded. Stop wasting space in my inbox.

................................................................................................................................................



Um, hi! You’ve reached me, Nanashi!!
I can’t get to the phone right now, so
please leave a message, kay?

(tone)

Nashi! Hiya, it’s Appolene! Just wanted
to say, I had a great time last night. Wasn’t
that movie the best? I just love romantic
comedies! Thanks so much for taking me,
that was really sweet of you. I was wondering
if you wanted to get some drinks after work
with me? Down at that cute new Italian café.
I hear they make some mean cappuccinos!
Look forward to seeing you there!

(click)

Um, hi! You’ve reached me, Nanashi!!
I can’t get to the phone right now, so
please leave a message, kay?

(tone)

Hey Nanashi, it’s me – Kristy. I’m that girl that
lives in the apartment opposite yours, remember?
I’m calling to say thanks for letting me crash at
your place this past week, while the tilers were
busy ripping up my floor. You have really cute boxers,
by the way! Sex-y! So anyway, I was hoping we
could catch up again some time, I miss hanging out
with you. Call me – you know the number.

(click)

Um, hi! You’ve reached me, Nanashi!!
I can’t get to the phone right now, so
please leave a message, kay?

(tone)

Hey, little brother. It’s Vincent. We haven’t talked
in awhile. You should drop by my place sometime,
you know you’re always welcome. But that’s not what
I called about. You see, I know you won’t know much
about this kind of thing, being the freaking innocent
you are, but there’s kind of three girls that seem to like
me. And I mean, more than a friend. They’re all …
aggressive. And you know I like aggressive women.
Not that I tell them that. Yeah, so I need to tell some
of them to piss off but I don’t want to hurt any of their
feelings. World war 3 would break out. Women…
man, if sex wasn’t so –

(click)

Um, hi! You’ve reached me, Nanashi!!
I can’t get to the phone right now, so
please leave a message, kay?

(tone)

Stupid phone cut on me. You should get that checked.
So do you have any ideas on what I should do? I know
you’re probably the last person to know about this
sort of thing but I don’t know how else to ask. The only
other guys I know are psychopaths, playas, or …not guys.
Oh, and that stupid gay dog who owns the hairdressing
salon in the complex I guard. Man, could you GET
gayer? Meh. Call me.

(click)

Um, hi! You’ve reached me, Nanashi!!
I can’t get to the phone right now, so
please leave a message, kay?

(tone)

It’s Raleigh. Heh, heh… just saying again that I really don’t
mind that you dropped by last night. Even though it was
real late and all. It’s good for friends to be able to do that.
Heh, heh.. and Um, seeing as we’re friends, and you know
we’ve become a lot closer lately … I owe it to you to tell you
that I think I might be –
Never mind. We’ll talk later, maybe I’ll go round to your place
time and …. Never mind.

(click)